I kid you not. The UKT is going to be as easy as pie (assuming you like pain), and it is my present mission in life to explain and demonstrate to the people exactly why. The most bestest way for me to describe how we will do the UKT is divided into the five sections below:

The use of pontoons on both sides of a a kayak is my claim to fame as a great naval engineer. With the use of pontoons you get the sleek water dynamic shape of a kayak AND the support of a raft. Gone are the days when you get out of your kayak at the end of a voyage and can't feel your legs. We will use two Pontoons just like the one you see above.

We plan on using the extra support of the pontoons to allow us to hang hammocks for stretching and lunch breaks. When we are both resting and relaxing in the middle of the ocean at the same time, we will string the hammocks on either side of the boat just as the illustration above is showing you at this moment in time.

Even though we will be big buff macho men, we will still want to set aside some quality time to relax on top of the undulating waves.

If you don't understand the illustration above, the green haze under us are the hammocks which will be fastened to the ends of carbon fiber or stainless steel poles that will be fastened to the tip of the kayak and the point of connection between the pontoons and the pontoon bar.

It could be a little difficult for us to get up on the hammocks without tipping the boat over, but we're going to go for it because it would make the UKT a million times for comfortable for one, and for two, I get another invention under my belt.

This will also be a difficult engineering feat because we need the poles to be secure but not to destroy the kayak, so if you know of a machinist in Miami or the Front Range who might be able to help us we would publicly appreciate it.

Towards the beginning of the trip, Tony will do a lot of happy hanging on the hammock while I heave and hoe at the helm. I don't think it will be very difficult for Tony or I to get up there on the back hammock and I don't imagine it will make much of a difference to the paddler.

This one hammock utilization will be used when we are doing crossings that have strong currents that could get us off course if we spend too much time sitting around without paddling. This way we will just take turns paddling and kicking it.

We will have two other poles that jut out perpendicular to the kayak that we can attach to the hammock for the single hammock configuration.

Sail - Sails kick ass so I think we'll take one. The best kind of sail for this trip would be like the one to the right. It looks easy to take down and put up, its light and small, and appears good for pulling our boat forward which will want to point forward anyway because of the pontoons in the back. Maybe in certain sections where the wind is going our way, we will even be able to just sit in the hammocks and let the sail do all the work.

There are other kinds of sails that are bigger, but I reckon they will give us too much trouble to deal with, plus our space will be limited.

Our trip tactics are divided up into three sections: Safety, water strategy, and land strategy.

Safety - As I'm sure you have noticed by now we have a firm belief this trip can be done safely if we take all the necessary precautions. The most dangerous aspect to this trip will be our lack of experience, so we will prepare as well as we can while we are in Miami. Some of the safety precautions I can think of now are to have two extra paddles, be attached to the kayak at all times, have the satellite phone, three GPS's, maps and two compasses. If we have the time we would like to learn how to read the stars to know exactly what direction we need to be going.

Obviously the trip tactics will be different depending on where we will be kayaking, so I will divide it up into three different kinds of paddling days: 1) The long inter island crossings, 2) The shorter island hopping crossings, and 3) The skirting of giant islands and continents.

Long Inter island crossings - Our first inter island crossing will be our very first in our lives and a whopping 50 miles across deep ocean with 4 mph northward current. It will be very exciting but also very frightening, so we definitely want to do it right. We figured that if we travel four miles an hour it will take 12 hours to complete, and I guarantee we won't be wanting to do any hanging out during this crossing; we will be hammering the whole time out of sheer excitement. We will want to utilize as much daylight as possible on this trip so as to not freak ourselves out in the creepy murky depths of the vast ocean, and to see where the waves are coming from and see what we're doing. We will be brave enough to endure a couple hours of dark paddling though, so we will want to get up at around three and shove off at around four so as to give us plenty of daylight to get to Bimini. As far as diet goes we will have a big breakfast and stuff our life jackets and deck bags with power bars and energy gels, and tons of water. In the storage compartments we will store a few more days worth of food for good luck, but will count on only eating the food we won't have to get out of our seated positions to eat.

Shorter island hopping crossings - These crossings will just be a whole lot of fun. My strategy for these is to put on my earphones and paddle as hard as I can until I feel the need to eat, at which point I will take my sandwich out of my pocket and eat it as fast as I can before paddling as hard as I can again. If my legs get sore I will have a bite to eat on the hammock.

3) The skirting of giant islands and continents - These will consist of us just hammering from point to point. At each point we will consider grounding and walking around a little bit while we eat.

One of the most interesting questions I have about the UKT is how cheaply it can be done. On paper it should be done on very little money, but various factors come into play that could make it expensive, such as our possible desire to eat out and drink pina coladas and Margaritas, need to replace lost or stolen gear, or the need to stay in hotels.

This is also an interesting question because in the early years of the UKT most of the UKT practitioners will be young people who don't have a lot of money, and if we can complete the UKT with a couple thousand dollars, we will prove that anybody can do it. All you have to do is move in with momi and dadi and save those pennies and bada bing, your a UKTer. On paper this trip can be done very cheaply, but there are a lot of factors that can come into play, factors that we will no doubt deal with and will be able to counsel future UKTers on.

Our strategy to do the UKT cheaply is as follows:

1) Food - When we are burning all those thousands of calories we will be eating a whole lot of food which can get expensive. Fortunately the perfect food for heavy physical activity is swimming right below us, so we will do as much fishing as we can. When we pass through populated areas we will buy as much food as we can at the grocery store and prepare our own food, but will eat at restaurants also. For the long crossings we will bring good food on the go such as sandwiches and cans of tuna, however we will avoid energy bars as they are expensive.

2) Lodging - One of the expensive aspects of trips is lodging, but not so much for the UKT. We will have a plethora of deserted beaches to camp at where we won't bother anybody. We plan on notifying as many locals as we can of our intentions so they have the opportunity to tell us we aren't allowed on their territory or advise us of nice beaches to camp at. I think we will be able to stay at secluded beaches on even the more populated islands, and in the event that we want or need to stay in a village we will first look at couchsurfing.com and call the hotels on our list.

3) Avoiding monetarily frivolous activity - One thing that could make the UKT expensive is if we eat out and drink a lot of alcohol, but I don't foresee that as being much of a problem for us. A lot of the time at the end of long days people like to drink as a form of celebration and a way to relax, but we will be so accustomed to long hard days that we will be content enough to just do some stretching, have some dinner and go to sleep. Tony has a lot of self control and I tend to go along with the people around me so I don't foresee us having too many regrettable nights.

4) Keeping our gear secure - One thing that could get really expensive is if we have to replace our expensive gear due to theft or loss. Our strategy for that is to be as invisible as possible. If we are in a highly trafficked area we will just carry the kayak and the gear into the trees and camp there where no one can see us. When we are docked at towns we will pay someone at the ports to allow us to lock the kayak to their structure.

Due to the magnificence of the UKT I foresee the search for sponsorship in the form of donations as being a worthy pursuit. When most people mention sponsorship to me they say I need to ask other people who have done trips like this how they went about getting sponsorship, so I delegated Tony to go about performing that task. I for one like to march to the beat of my own drummer and do things my own way without any guidance from those who have gone before me. As any intelligent person does, I have compiled a list of linear steps in order to achieve the aforementioned goal. I hereby pledge that I will report the story of our quest for sponsorship on this page so as to give future Ultimate trip inventors a template by which to go by, as well as tell an interesting story.

1) Web site - Make the best web site that I can so that I can garner enough support for my cause and web site traffic as I can so that my sponsors see it as a viable means to gain attention to their product. After we make it to Bimini I will notify all the sea kayak clubs and forums of our intentions as well as other adventure groups, and call the people who live on the UKT route. I will also research other ways to get web traffic; if you have any ideas that would be groovy. If the counter on the site goes above a certain number, well, we're in business aren't we? I will also attach adsense to the edges of each page so the people with wide screens can see them and hopefully click on them and get us some revenue.

2) Celebrity endorsement - This process is going to be interesting for me. Celebrities have a lot of influence, so I resolve to make it a bit of a hobby of mine to seek out one celebrity to record a video of support that we will put on the site. If other celebrities want to record a video of support by all means we will be thrilled to put them on, but once we get our celebrity the continued quest for celebrity endorsement will become a vain effort. The law of the UKT dictates that only one celebrity is actually needed. One important thing for a celebrity to consider is that it may be beneficial to them also to endorse the UKT, because as the years go buy and the UKT grows, the celebrity will always be known and the official celebrity endorser of the UKT. I will write these specific Celebes to support us in order for the following reasons:

1) The Ultimate Warrior - We are warrior kayakers and the UKT is the Ultimate trip, so we want some kind of ultimate celebrity to support us. The Warrior speaks with a lot of zeal and likes to include cosmology and nature in his poetic discourses, which is in line with the UKT due to the fact that UKTers will be looking up and the stars and out at nature a lot. The Ultimate Warrior also likes to go off on weird tangents that don't actually make sense but sound cool, and that is exactly the kind of speak a person who has been paddling for hours on end likes to blather on to themselves about; at least I do.
2) Mr T - I've always liked Mr T, and because he's into individual expression and physical fitness he could be a good spokesman for the UKT. Plus, Mr T is of African descent and a lot of the people who live along the UKT are from Africa.
3) David Copperfield - He owns one of the Exumas and could also help us discover who owns the other ones so we could get permission to visit them. He also claims to have the fountain of youth on his island which I want to see.
4) Johny Depp - He owns one of the Exumas and could also help us discover who owns the other ones so we could get permission to visit them.
5) Richard Branson - He likes adventure and owns one of the islands in the Virgin Islands and could help us find out who owns some of the other islands.
6) Jessica Biel - Most guys would probably want to see what she has to say just because she's hot, and added to that she is super fit and so friends of the UKT could relate to her. She is also from Boulder like me, and I imagine she might have some desire to boost Boulders reputation as a place of invention and outdoorsyness.
7) George W. Bush - I know this is a long shot, but what the hey, if I did get him to endorse us I think it would be beneficial both parties involved. It would benefit us because of his high profile, and it would benefit him because a lot of people think he's kind of out of touch with the common people, and if he could support a trip that is as hip to the groove as the UKT, people might reconsider his coolness factor.
8) Oprah Winfrey - Because she's mainstream and has a lot of influence.
9) Hillary Duff - Because she reminds me of my ex-wife.
10) Brittany Spears - Because she seems like she would do anything and this is something.
11) Ken Wilber - Because he's a philosopher and I'm a philosopher and I washed his windows and he knows who I am even though he never meet me.
12) Bill Clinton - Because he oozes charisma and charisma gets stuff done.
13) Hugo Chavez - Because he is the boss of the last country we're going through.
14) George Noory - Because he's my main professor.
15) Richard Hoagland - Because I like him and he's got tons of charisma.
16) Graham Hancock - Because I bought his book about the pyramids and I like the articulate manner in which he speaks.
17) Art Bell - Because he's the guy who got the self education, revelation through discourse, act like you believe them even if you don't format all started.
18) Any other celebrity - I don't care who you are, if you want to be my celebrity endorser, you got the job!

3) Sale of banner ads on our sponsorship page - We will put a banner on our sponsors page for whoever gives us money including the amount they have donated.

4) Ad space on the kayak and or gear - We will designate patches on our kayak and our clothing to attach stickers of those who give us money. For more details go the the sponsors page.